A Snippet of Truth

I don’t believe in coincidences, accidents, or luck . . . any more than blaming another (which is irresponsibly cruel), remaining silent (as in an accomplice), telling lies, or passing the buck.

It’s pretty much part of the same thing . . . . it’s our journey on Earth called “life”,

And nothing lasts forever . . . . or does it?

Here’s a bit of truth, despite that people “like” to believe what they “think” . . . . those contemplating suicide, deep down inside . . . . really do NOT WANT to die.

Even those who are told by voices repeatedly . . . . know, they don’t want to die.  Sometimes, the voices are overpowering noisy and get confusing. There’s always a personal battle within. (This could include things seen . . . . horribly visible to that person, tastes, and/ or feelings . . . . as in being touched.)

Each and every individual . . . . has/have reached what appears and feels like an extremely deep painful impasse in life, (or believe they have nowhere to turn from where they are)  . . . . most likely impossible to express, let alone understand . . . . have absolutely no idea on how to cope with the dark personal burden(s), and it begins when a seemingly simple thought enters in . . . . such as, “It sure would be easier if I just did not wake up . . . . after I go to sleep.”

More people than not, probably had this very thought. Please don’t think you’re in dangerous waters by your mind teasing you. This is called “passive suicidal ideation”.

BUT:  This is where you . . . . STOP!


Recognize . . . . “What exactly lead you to that ‘thought’?“, and focus on a positive distraction, and begin to respond in that new direction.  Most are very creative people . . . . remember that!

WARNING:  It’s beyond that one seemingly fleeting thought, when it is becoming the source of potentially escalating, along with dangerous personal intent, and/or plot . . . . also known as a “plan”.

(NOTE:  IF you ARE having thoughts of killing yourself . . . .  go tell a friend or family member directly and immediately, or call a suicide crisis line, go to the emergency room, or call 911, or your country’s emergency telephone number.)

Yes, individuals really try, and surprisingly do not succeed . . . . that’s because we are not in control of our ultimate demise, last breath, and/or day of death.

Those who die by suicide, struggled a long time and alone  . . . . with a personal battle in silence, before ending their own life. Apparently, it was time . . . . only God alone can answer the question, “WHY?”

Others with terminal illness . . . . go to great lengths hoping to find a cure, struggling with all their might . . . . fighting to live another day, hoping they will survive.

Why?  Because they don’t want to die.

Why?  Maybe, just maybe, deep down inside . . . . they don’t know where they’re going to go when they die.  Our soul . . . . gives us that Eternal awareness.


It takes a special person to deal with issue of death and/or dying, as it does for those who tenderly care and provide their daily needs.

Why?  Because most refuse to look “death” in the eye . . . . reality is extremely scary and emotionally painful.


First of all, and this is only my belief . . . . to REALLY know ANYTHING . . . . to truly empathize . . . . one must PERSONALLY stare death straight in the face!

The “character mirror” I keep mentioning (here, here, and especially here) . . . . it needs to drop on the figurative floor, shatter into tiny sharp pieces, rip the veiled, scaled cornea blinding “your” heart and mind . . . . leaving “you” bleeding, emptying “you” of “your” self-assured, foolhardy selfishness, arrogance, bitterness, pride, and self-absorbed . . . . self.

That’s where Divine Intervention beautifully steps in, and it’s not a choice or a decision any one human being consciously makes or gains by doing things . . . . nor can anyone be good enough. Oy vey!

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

Not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV)

Honestly, other than that . . . . it appears to happen when comprehension is very low in a person, with those who have absolutely nothing left to their name, staring death in the face, or at a very young age.

An inexplicable Providential Word is spoken by Christ alone . . . . and a hardened heart changes  in a very simplistic way. At the same time, scales fall off of the eyes, one is no longer blind, and suddenly His Word makes sense.  While reading, God’s Word comes alive, by resonating with “you” spiritually . . . . inside. That would be touching your heart and your mind at the very same time.  It’s virtually impossible to describe.


One thing becomes very obvious . . . . others SEE and feel the change of your once hard-hearted heart!  It has nothing to do with intellect.

Thus the phrase, “Even a child can understand it” . . . it too comes from God’s Word:

“The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.”

(Psalms 119:130 KJV)

One thing in common is . . . . these individuals (we) are “lost”, feel like we don’t fit in or belong . . . . especially not here on this Earth, and their/our hearts are tenderly, quietly yearning for God in our own unique way . . . . if like me, even in a total state of denial.

There’s a gap that must be filled, because we cannot enter the presence of a Holy God, being a sinful, unrighteous vapor or mist . . . . in the whole Infinite plan of God’s time span of Eternity.

Balk inwardly if you will, but it says something about you . . . . not me.  I didn’t write God’s Word, He brought IT . . . . to me.

What I always thought was, “That’s a load of CRAP”, but probably not so kindly. It was more the bitterness of my heart than words literally spoken. My heart and head were as hard as a rock!

My recommendation is that you stay and not leave. You are free to do as you please, but you already know that.

I could NOT . . . . have EVER been MORE WRONG!

When you get right down to it . . . . what separates us from an animal is our “soul”.

Your soul and mine . . . . has an awareness under the control of one. Here’s the clincher . . . . the control is either under only one . . . . of  . . . . two spirits.

Yeah, truth be known . . . I never understood it (either).

I grew up in a Baptist Church, got pins and certificates for perfect attendance . . . . God knew I literally hated every minute. It was a good time to take a nap, and drool on my well dressed mother’s . . . . lap. I remember that, and mostly the hypocrites.

My Korean mother made us go. Oh my . . . . was she a religious ogre . . . . for being such a tiny person! Back then she was bigger than me.

So in my tiny mind, I thought the devil looked like this . . . . red, resembling a person of sorts, a big evil grin, holding a pitchfork with two horns, and a sharp spear-like tail.

What was I thinking? Seriously, “I’ll know him when I see him”? (The last one looks kind of familiar.)

Christ met me, and set me free . . . . blah, blah, blah . . . . It’s been written elsewhere. It certainly was NOT by my choice, OK? Yet there are NO words to express my gratitude.

NOW, wrap your brain around that.

Nobody . . . . as in a human being, taught me anything I’m writing. It’s all from reading the Bible incessantly, because my every breath and thought literally felt like it came directly from His Word . . . . as I read.

Being somewhat young, yet not . . . . I must have chalked it up to a major life upheaval. It took time to rewire my brain, or renew my mind.  Sometimes when I talked . . . as I look back, there are times . . . . I sounded as if I had lost my mind!

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

(Romans 12:2 KJV)

All I remember is:

One minute . . . . felt like one hour,
Ten minutes . . . .  felt like one day,
One day felt like . . . . one week.

I combated it partially by walking in a park  . . . . watching my feet, singing an old hymn out loud . . . . stuck on repeat.

(There’s more and it’s really beautiful . . . . to the touch lives of others, seeing them smile, and eyes light up. God’s love shining through, and all about volunteering! It’s very restorative in so many ways. I look forward to sharing those precious moments that were mutually healing, but in very different ways. I was only suffering from what appeared by me, at the time . . . . to be a severely broken heart. Part of it was grieving the loss of my old life, but that was only the beginning. That process is on and off . . . . it’s called “sanctification”.)

Life certainly does NOT get any easier.  There is no sprinkling of ‘pixy dust’, and “POOF” . . . . with a wave of wand. . . . it’s now magic land, and all is now perfect.  Make sense?

This gets pathetically interesting (in my mind) because it wasn’t a good experience overall (again), and lasted far too long . . . . YET, like all journeys in life, God allows many unique experiences that cannot ever be taken away.  All from which we can continue to glean from His Word, and He continues to transform us . . . . as promised.


Enter another new religion, and I was new at being a “Christian”.  A label I no longer use to describe my life in Christ.


The religion . . . . that’s all it was really about, I refer to such a religion as “cult” . . . . here, and not the first one I’ve experienced.

No focus on God, other than . . . .  a shallow statement, ‘God is love’ . . .  backed by a set of rules. (NOT again!) Every sermon, work performed, word spoken, and action witnessed was contrary to God’s Word, and His definition of . . . .“love”.  So I took all I could stand . . . . and left!

I knew “love” as being a personality trait that I did not embody, therefore I had asked fervently and sincerely in prayer, specifically . . . . and very unwittingly years ago . . . . if I could be . . . . “love”.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

(1 Corinthians 4-7 KJV)

God knew my heart, and back then I did too (and still do). . . . I was NOT kind, or remotely patient, couldn’t even stand being my own self . . . . any of that stuff!

I always described it as, “I wanted to unzip my skin and run away from my self”!

HOW was I supposed to be transformed within?

Osmosis? I don’t think so!  SO…. I asked.

Like a sponge, I soaked up every Holy Word, and allowed it to prayerfully settle in my soul. That’s meditation upon His Word, reading verses over and over again . . . . ‘when’ they resonate deeply within . . . . THEN a search ensues. It all happened very naturally for me.

(I heard, then read a devotional yesterday or the day before, of this same thing labeled in the form of an outline . . . .  and found it very strange that I’ve not once followed a manmade guideline.  All I can say is, “How utterly Divine!”  Honestly?  It truly surprised me, after all these years, because this piece was already written.)

Onward we go!

The process of renewing one’s mind takes time, patience, and effort. My analogy has always been . . . . of getting up out of your comfortable seat, walking over to the wall, and turn the light switch “on”, in order to activate the electricity provided.


THAT is almost becoming a thing of the past via the smart generation’s latest upgrades in technology. Imagine that.

Obviously I came across A.W. Tozer, who has a lovely biography. There’s something about self-taught people I admire, and especially when they begin with very little education.

It’s more proof of God’s Amazing Grace (written by John Newton, another fascinating man). A.W. Tozer, much like Paul Harvey, had foresight, not about America per se . . . . but about Christianity and  ‘churches’.

There’s nothing new under the sun, so meeting a Pharisee in this day and age is nothing surprising.


If you made it this far, I’d surmise you “get the connection” with . . . . there is an Eternity, one IS called “death”, the other is “life”, self-absorption, pride, and/or foolhardiness is the Devil’s obsession, and a host of other things.

One enormous known detail A.W. Tozer, so succinctly exposed is:

… God is a God of judgment, but He is also the God of all grace. God is always the same. He will never change or falter. And when I say God I refer to the Trinity—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I suspect that many preachers and evangelists have left the false impression in our churches that Christ won God over to our side by dying for us. We have been encouraged to think of the Father as the angry God standing with the club of vengeance, about to destroy sinning mankind. But suddenly Jesus rushes in and takes the blow, allowing us to escape.

That may be good drama, but it is poor theology!

He was explaining that God is FAR beyond love. I was TOTALLY blown away!

For decades, I’ve wanted to understand where this nonsensical, one three-word sentence, finite . . . . bold-faced lie about a Holy God . . . . simply “derived”, and upon which people feed like a worldly parasite (“God is love“) . . . . not ever mentioning that God is actively in their lives, is Holy, Righteous, jealous, our vindicator, Creator, Judge, and to Whom we should be praising, FORGETTING Christ, NO mention of the Holy Spirit . . . . BUT all about . . . . self, money, title, profession, government, things and/or material possession, education, others, or one man/woman, pet . . . . and what did I forget?

I have a poem written and waiting from a few years ago, about the lingo used by hypocrites, or in “False Religion“.

Truth really is timeless, has no need to be re-written repeatedly, over and over again . . . . perhaps, used as a reminder . . . . because there is ONE thing that lasts forever.

From here, there is no answer from me.

Reciting a simple prayer was meaningless to me at age 11, and heard a former pastor, who still does some extreme preaching . . . . say that it is a potentially soul damning prayer. Quite frankly, I have to agree with him. He’s since been promoted into a position within a religious organization, and totally lost me . . . . like typically most do.

Maybe . . . . maybe, one day I can explain why I back the latter claim about that simple, repeated mantra type . . . . “sinner’s prayer”.

All I had was some weak guidance, a legal pad, a pen or a pencil . . . . wrote a prayer that was messed up, but sincere. Lord knows what I was trying so hard to say, and my heart changed that very same day, and emblazoned in my mind.

One day, I returned the favor to someone very dear. Not everyone to whom Christ comes . . . . is physically able to utter words . . . . less than I could, way back when.

Divine Intervention is stronger than anything I can describe. No human being can touch an act of Christ, who has to fill that personal void, each of us live to fill on our own like an endless vacuum  . . . . bridging the expanse between a Holy God, and the one whom He has chosen . . .  . and thereby declares “justified” and “righteous”.

We don’t do that. We’d boast about it . . . . like a foolhardy self-absorbed, unrepentant sinner, condemned, and destined straight for HELL . . . .

Forever known as DEATH . . . . and Eternal separation from God.

(Luke 16:19-31 KJV)


As my very American Korean mother told me, “Start with the Living Bible, from there you will graduate to the NIV (New International Version)”.  She provided the Bible with both versions all in one . . . . and she was right.  Because what’s that old saying again? “Mother knows best“.

From there I went to the KJV (King James Version) and that’s where I remain.

You know something? I can honestly say, to this day . . . . my very American Korean mother is the only person who was praying for me.

She began after I was born, and has been, every single day . . . . unto this very day. Christ came to my mother and me, at the same age . . . . in two very different ways.

She kind of reminds me of A.W. Tozer, and another old well known pastor like him. They or each began a life in extreme poverty (her’s was a Third World country) . . . . yet gave away so much, when they had so little of their own . . . . because others mattered more than them.

It’s called the gift of “mercy”.

Who does that these days?

bigMONEY jar

That’s the story God gifted me, and I’m sticking to it.

©IM Infusion Musings